Change is Good

This year has had its share of ups and downs for me. Celebrated my one year wedding anniversary, quit my job, left my husband, and am now struggling to make do on my own. I wanted to learn to define my happiness on my own terms, not have somebody do it for me. Over the past few years I've lost myself. Forgotten who I am, where I came from, and what I stand for. I couldn't tell you what my dreams are or what I aspire to be. My only goal currently is to take each new day one at a time. Along the way I've let myself become lost in the numbness of my pain and grief, and given up hope. It was hard for me, walking away from him. For by doing so, it felt like a big part of me died. I was letting go of all of the hopes and plans I'd had for my future, our future, and that was scary. As heartwrenching as it was to watch my life slip away, it was also freeing. Knowing that what I decide to do with my life from that point on is my decision was one of the most gratifying feelings I've had in a long time.

At first I struggled with wondering whether or not I'd made the right decision on a daily basis. Then I realized that while I struggled with those feelings, I didn't miss him. Yes, I missed the fun we had and the dreams we shared. I missed the man I knew he could be. I missed always having someone there, someone to count on. But not once did I miss HIM or the life we lived together. And in that moment, I knew that no matter how bad I was hurting from choosing to walk away or how heartbroken I felt, that I had made the best decision and done the right thing by me.

Another year has come and gone, life has been lived and death has taken its toll. We've all faced our share of sorrows and heartaches. Had our moments of joy and our moments of weakness. But as the new year approaches I get to walk away knowing that my happiness isn't dependent on someone or something. I now know that I am much stronger than I would have ever thought possible, which partly comes from the fact that my strength, at times, has been all I've had. I've realized that I have my whole life ahead of me and that no matter what greivances I may be facing, God gave me this life because He knew that I was strong enough to live it.

So my question to you is this: Are you going to be strong enough to live yours? Don't run from your problems or place them upon someone else's shoulders for them to bear. Embrace them and know that no matter what the outcome, as long as you are strong, you will walk away a better person because of them. THIS is life, so live it.